Harbinger Of Birth

on handling eventual announcing

2010-08-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

so, at some point this month i realized that if i had been pregnant (i was not, by the way) i wouldn't want to just rush over and announce it here. at that point i'd want to take time, tell my family, tell ian's family, talk to close friends and THEN make it known to the world - maybe after the first trimester. or whenever ian and i decided we were ready.

so i wanted to just clarify that here for my readers as well. i may or may not talk each month about how i'm feeling in those 2 weeks of waiting, but i for sure will not, after this month, be posting the results of those two weeks. so i'm not sure how it'll work. i'm not going to lie here either. i'll probably just lay low and if you notice that, it might mean i'm pregnant. or just that i'm busy or lazy!

but in the meantime, this last month was not the month. so fingers crossed for next month! or he next or the next or whenever it's time. in the meantime, ian and i are going to check out sage femme this weekend and i've made an apptment with my regular ob-gyn to make sure everything is aok. i haven't had an annual in over a year since i've been traveling.

xo all

pms vs preggers - first incidence

2010-07-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

well, the lovely miss alibee has requested an update on this month, so here you go! this is the first month where i've had a really confusing set of symptoms and i suddenly understand what the whole "2 week wait" is all about. i have had what feels like a duller but more persistent version of cramps for just over 24 hours. along with that has been a lack of appetite and some nausea. these last two are not typical pms symptoms for me (although some missing symptoms - like soreness in various places and migraines - are typical). it is not the correct time for me to be feeling pms symptoms - it's about a week too early. i can feel when i ovulate, so i know my cycle is relatively on target this month. these pains could maybe possibly be implantation for which the timing is at least potentially right. if that's true, i kind of want to enjoy the pain and i keep thinking to myself, "if you're fertilized, little egg, you just go go go burrow burrow burrow". if it's not, and i'm just misinterpreting bad gas i would like the pain to go away with a giant poop or something now please. ahem.

anyhow.

this is really the first month we've been trying hard, so i feel like it's super unlikely we're pregnant. but hey, it's also super unlikely that we would find an apartment in the first 2 days of looking, that i'd have TOO many job offers already and that we would adjust to being home so quickly. so in a way a surprise in the direction of faster than expected would barely be a surprise at this point.

to complicate matters, though, i'm experiencing a wee bit of anxiety. not over baby-making, don't worry. just over work decisions i have had to make and the general pace of life. so once in awhile the cramps turn into stomach butterflies that i realize is the anxiety then that sort of fades away and the dull ache of the cramp is still there. it confuses my brain!

the good news is that this still feels scientific and kind of fun for me! of course i'll be super duper excited if it turns out i am pregnant but i actually feel like i've kept everything in check and won't be very disappointed at all if i'm not. i'm enjoying the process and have this strange innate trust in myself and my body and i just know it'll happen. so if not this month, we get to keep trying! and it'll happen when it's supposed to happen - when my body (including my brain) knows i am ready. ian and i are handling this with a lot of the skills that travel brought us - not skills we necessarily went looking for, but exactly the kind of outlook on life that i've always hoped was more my own.

i'll keep you posted....

the book

2010-06-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

so, ian and i are taking a suggestion that we heard recently to heart. this suggestion was that it might be wise to start reading about pregnancy before you are pregnant, because while you are pregnant you'll probably want to read about babies, because once you have a baby there will be far less time for reading. hmmmm. good point.

anyhow, we're in canberra, australia, and i have a whole booklet of the bookstores here and we're going to buy a book. when we get home we'll use the library and perhaps buy more, but for now, just one. we want a book that'll cover in a bit of depth the trying-to-conceive process along with the process of pregnancy from a perspective that we can relate to. so we thought we'd see what you all thought.

which book was most helpful/interesting to you? which book do you wish you would have read sooner? what is the book you'd recommend for us?

not not trying

2010-06-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

it should not surprise me (or anyone else) that i'm tackling this baby-making process the way i do many things: with great attention to detail. here's how it works when you live in my brain... first there comes the bad thought. then there comes the anxiety. and then in marches the coping mechanisms. this often includes arming myself with ridiculous amounts of information so i feel like i have the most control possible over any given situation.

so, ian and i are about ready to start actively trying to make a zygote. we are sort of passively not not trying now. july is our official try-start-date. this is based on when we get back to san francisco and have health insurance.

bad thought: it might just take forever. or not work at all.

anxiety: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

coping: reading every thing i can get my hands on and doing all the things now that a doctor would tell me to do if i was having a hard time getting pregnant.

too much? maybe. will it make any difference? i'll never know. but i'll surely keep you posted.

in the meantime, i pretty much already know where i want to give birth, what i want my baby's name to be, what maternity clothes i want to wear, what i want my future baby to sleep in, and what my parenting plans are.

but what i know even more is that any and all of that can change at any time in an instant. and isn't that the most exciting part?

april fool's baby

2009-04-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

this morning i made a facebook status update that just said, "sharon 'senser' mckellar is preggers" figuring no one would believe me for a second, given that it's april fool's day. a lot of people believed me and then my guilty guilt guilt came out and i admitted it was a joke within mere minutes. i am not strong. i am weak.

anyhow, ian and i decided that if the timing works out at all when i eventually do get pregnant, we will wait until april fool's day (or announce early) so that i can announce it just like that and everyone will assume it's a joke. so there's your warning. let's see if you remember.

dreaming

2009-03-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

last night i had another dream about being pregnant. i think that when i have a certain kind of low level stomach ache, my brain always translates that as pregnancy in my sleep.

i remember when the switch happened - when my pregnancy dreams went from something i was totally relieved to wake up from to something that cause me great disapointment come morning. i wake up feeling empty.

anyhow, i used to always picture having a baby girl, but in my dreams it's always a boy. so now i sort of picture a boy.

i'm hoping this blog will serve as a sort of healthy release of these feelings and also, eventually, a fun place to post what i'm going through with the process and with my child.

for now, i'm happy to wait. well, i'm sort of happy to wait. ian, my husband, and i are taking a great journey around the world. and it's going to be amazing for us. so the baby time will come. i just have to teach my body to be as patient as i'm forcing my brain to be.

the ghost of babies past

2009-03-17T16:41:00.001-07:00

my friend, amy, suggested that i use this blog now for all baby-related stuff so that when i have a baby, finally, in 2 years, it'll all be here. in one place.

so, i thought i'd start with photos of me and babies past!

me. 1975.

my cousin, gail's oldest, alyssa. this is seriously like 9 years ago. but look how cute she was! she still is!

megan and jon's baby, wyatt. this was over a year ago now. i miss these guys!

i met this random baby in october and never saw him again.

darren and krista's baby, cooper when he was about a week old.

my family's lifetime friend, adam's baby drew.

ian's cousin, laurian's baby jayden.

tami and christine's twin baby girls - amelia and eloise.

coming soon

2009-03-17T10:55:00.001-07:00

when i get pregnant (or am trying to get pregnant) i'll use this blog. just needed to snag the name!